To the Fairy Who was Lost in Tears....

I used to be a girl of fantasies.A girl who is ambitious to see herself in her bridal 'lehnga'.A girl,who was so fond of hairbands,jewelry,hats and other stuff.I remember the day of my sister's wedding,when at rukhsati time i warned the man who had camera in his hands.

Dekho,meri roty huey mt bnana,mein thik nahi lgu gi...Ya phir mein aisay ro gi jasay dramas mein roty hain to tum artistically capture krna.lol

And he did.And i got compliments that 'tum acting kr ryi thi?!'...A girl who used to talk non-stop if she had any good company.A girl who had imagined his prince to come on white horse and receive her.A charisma that spelled her.In songs,she used to find out phrases and then she used to learn those phrases and very often sang them in her solitude.What a poor girl!...Lets suppose that girl had seen a ghost one night and died.Sounds sad!..Ok,lets think that girl was dead with her innocent thoughts.Pathetic!...But lets suppose,her all fantasies broke!her all charisma scattered somewhere in this cruel world.Is she dead?..No!she is alive!still alive!alive with this pain that to whom she loved once was a deception.A lost girl.Let me tell you a story.Let me start this with these words:

Suno choti si gurya ki lambi kahani!

I love you,you love me and a happy family with the big big hug and a kiss from me to you,won't you say you love me too?!...

You're so unique!

You've hurt me.

You're not unique!

The man wants a fairy to whom they can love.A fairy who must be unique and a barbie who must be beautiful,with fantasies and so many yuck things.If you've that qualities then welcome to his world girl!..oh!with the time you've lost that things.Ok,go to hell,next please!....That worn-out fairy must have cried for a long long time!but who cares?!who has created those fantasies in her and then broke them.Who was at fault?that fairy or that prince?!...Nobody!

This is what the point is!...A man is made to love and woman is to beloved.I am going to sound cruel so excuse me.A man wants a girl and every girl is his barbie but every barbie has one ken.

(both are shouting and my ears are aching!)

Ok,so where were we?!..Water is water,no matter if boiled,filtered or of gutter!.It serves the same.It quenches your thirst.When you're thirsty you may drink whatever you'll have.Sick,i am!..Listen,i didn't say even a word to you,so have patience.Girls are fool if they have fantasies.You may play with them.And when they will loose their glitter you may throw.This is what the concept is.I've lost my glitter.But do you think that i've lost?don't you think i've achieved a thing more precious.A thing which Bullay shah calls'Ishaq namaz'..But i am so filthy,the dirt still intoxicates me.I still turn back and i still get frightened.How mentally sick i am!!!

 Not easy to forget....

But the fairy should learn how the world is!He is taking a trial of me.In my childhood,i used to see a drama in which a man was addicted and when he didn't find his medicine he used to cry out in agony,he used to shout helplessly.He used to take dose of  drugs only when medicines were lost.He has deprived me of his zikr for few days.My healing health is in danger.Last night,how it tormented me.How i looked back and how heart ached.From night to morning,i was overwhelmed with depression.How miserable i was!How badly i wanted to cry!how helpless i was without Him!He is my medicine and hidden somewhere.

Mama and abu has brought a syrup named appetizer stimulant as i don't feel hunger.They are much worried that what made me like this.But i want to cry loudly and i want to shout.I need badly to cry out.I need badly to let it all bring out.He is not with me.where are you?,when you held me i was fine,when you're hidden it scares me.I take support of kalams...and when she says:

Assan ishq namaz jidu neeyeti ae,fer bhool gye mandir,maseeti ae....

I feel,again,a mud penetrating in my pores.I,then,cry but tears prove to be traitor.I am losting in my own tears.They are angry with me and everyday i try to console them but they don't come out.I am lost!i am lost somewhere!I am lost where i feel neither pain nor happiness.You may call me a psycho.

But truly,i am lost!!!