Just a Dreamer....

The horizon seems suffocated when you throw your reflections on it.It widens when you just stare at a point with out any reason.You just stare and stare until people call you mad.But do they know what you are thinking?Do they care from what you're suffering?what they know is just come to you and put all the burden of their's heart at your shoulders.How selfish!Like they won't ask why you're silent?No!they would just sit besides you and tell you what they did?It gives them relief.I find relief in His zikr but don't you think it's me who is so selfish if i would stop them to talk and move on to masjid.Like,they are His creature and i know they,somehow,need me.They need me to lessen the swelling of their heart.It eases them when they say what depress them.I am done with words.Now,words don't accompany me.They stay away from me.And i just keep on staring at a point and they just talk on.I face fighting between my thoughts and their words.The whole flash back and their chattering.It's like i've lost the half of my brain in some accident and now that place is swollen and when i think it's swelling increases and it aches.I try not to think about A and what he did to me.I stay silent and keep on staring and a moment comes when i,literally,hear a voice:bus!!!...A silence.

If life is a film then i am a character who just dreams of becoming a mature character.I watched a movie in which a man waved at other man but a junior character thought that it was him who was waved by him and suddenly,he realizes that it was the main character who was in spot light.Lol.It happens to me everyday.And i realize,how little i am.Just a dreamer who dreams of.........!!!But realizes that it was not for me.I was never made for him neither he was for me.Again,heart twists and pain and i just stare at a point.A point which is worthless and has nothing to give me.Move on!

 I am just like that girl who sits in front of mirror and thinks to whom she should follow.What hair style should make?what dress will suit her?and how she will look fine.I am sitting in front of my life's mirror.She says i feel future!She says:my studies!she says:listen to me!she!she!she!where's me?where i am?a true me!in so many main characters where me?!I can just dream of that position which i now-a-days want!

Suppose,if i am in a crowd will anybody find me out there?I hope you'll never because if i am in crowd i would be lost and if i am in alone i've a wall!Let me sit in front of mirror and let me see what suits me the best!