Only 19!
Atleast they are set in their modes.They know what to do.I am hanging between right and wrong.Sometimes,we just sit idly and estimate the pain hence mourn for nothing.How you can have destination?when you don't know the hurdles of paths?when you don't even walk?when you don't try?when you don't know how it feels when storm comes?when ways don't know your foot-steps?
You have to bear.You have to absorb.You have to endure.And it's not that easy.It's not that easy to let all go without even one tear.And those who bear all without crying must have tasted disasters which have make them such strong and so powerful.Now,i should accept that i have lost.And when i cant make it easy then i'll have to bear.Maybe,one day i'll take duppata and make children to recite holy quran.And,maybe,one day i'll become a kind lady who will forgive everyone.However,i am learning it.But its not that easy.If you are alive then with every moment,every breathe,every second you are learning.I was wrong when i said 'no more learning'.We're all learning.I am not alone.You are all learning from your lives.I am a kind of girl who feels so much.We all feel.I am not alone.But these feelings break me sometimes.And i cry,then.But i've no balanced state of mind.Everything happens with extreme.It's just as that theory of spectrum.One side of being hyper unconsciousness and other of consciousness.
A sea-saw.
But this is what we call life,with ups and downs.If life is teaching you everyday,then this breaking is necessary to strengthen you.There's a connection between pain and learning.Unless you loose something you won't break.And breaking creates pain and pain teaches you to wait and with wait you learn how to soothe or how to forget.The factor is time.An irony.A healer.
I don't know what i am?I am original piece of the world!
But thinking like it is not good.We are all same.If i am alone in crowd then maybe whole crowd feel alone.We all have some problems in our lives.And in this kind of situation,i am seeking patience to bear her talks.Sometimes,i want to scream in front of her that your thoughts might kill you.But time will tell her as it told me.
Suffering from fever,i realized how it feels when death is so near.When it can lead you to hell.When you literally know what is pain.So,thinking in a little dark room that you're alone,unworthy is so wrong.And oneday,she will also realize what i realized.
So,i am zarnab breathing in this bigger world and learning consistency.Sometimes,a fool and sometimes a wise girl.
And when she will say she doesn't know what she is.Life has not done good to her.Then i might laugh in my heart and must tell her that:
We're just 19!and there's so much to learn.
P.S:Did it make any sense?!
Of course, it did. People who start feeling wise in their early years or claim of uniqueness and individuality, perhaps are employing those ego defense mechanisms that Freud talked of. Those who behave arrogantly are actually insecure and lonely but cover it up with a bold face. It is like you said; a seesaw. When they can't battle with one extreme, the push on to the other, unconsciously. And they forget the fact that, yes, they are only 19 and are not 110. But you do remember your age and you must be thankful for such insight and clarity. There is nothing greater of a blessing than self-awareness. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThank you:D:D
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