Where in me?
I am not here to tell all of you that how lonely or how alone i am..It's just like a nightmare for me,now.Like,i want to breathe easily.To live easily.To talk easily.To laugh easily.But somehow i can't do it.It's not that i am unique,its just that something stops me.Something,just pushes me back to trash of thoughts.Unavoidable.I've no super power with whom i can over come all this.And to explore myself,it takes time.During the time i've to suffer.I can't stop the feeling which arouses in my heart and just twists it.It really creates a pain.A pain which is,i don't know what it is.But i should know and a little bit,perhaps,i know.I won't mourn'who am i',as i know and its just that i want to be with other people.I hate to be in words.I want to be free.It's like i am going deeper and deeper with everyday.You might not give your heart to my talks and you might just reject and consider it childishly lame,but it would be a process and in this process it might be its first stage.And i need someone badly,and hell i care what advice you would give me.Atleast you would listen me,you would feel what i would say.You would share what i would want you to share.Atleast,you would speak.And,it matters.And yeah,it would soothe me.Atleast,i would be confident that you are there in my blues.Its just that i need you badly.Its just that i am so weak.And its just that i cant control it so sudden and its just that it will take time and in this i fear that my depression will scare you off.
It is as if that i am like a clown of my fate with which it plays with everyday.Oh,no!..No!I am not a clown,okay!.I am a simple girl with so simple thoughts.And these contradiction makes you to laugh.So,finally,i am a clown,eh?I want to run away from all of it but again something stops me and laughs at me and makes me to prolong my stay there.I hate to be senty but i am senty.
Emotional fool!
Kick me away from you,i'll come back to you.Curse me but i'll come again.Because,i see no other there except you.Self-awareness was at the top of the hierarchy of Maslow.The concept of Iqbal.Something so difficult to achieve.So much struggle is required.I am not that strong now.I am a feeble feather wandering in air.I want you to be with me till i get it.You can't have degree of masters unless you pass A.B.C classes.I am learning but i can't swim unless i learn how to swim.
I am finding where it is in me,but it will take time,till then i need you.
You have me and I will do my best to lead you through all this confusion to peace. But you must trust yourself. You must have faith and must believe that peace lies inside, and will not come from an outer source. I know it is hard to know what is it that we really want or why; those who can know themselves, know all. But thinking that it is impossible or too hard is not the right attitude. You can know, we all can know. We must know our own selves at least, and we shall! Take a step at a time, and remember to breathe. I am here as always, for you have bought yourself a friend. Let's take a step at a time, and be patient, and breathe. What is inside will begin to reveal itself sooner or later.
ReplyDeleteThinking of doing by myself i feel lalallalalallalalalalalalalalla!!!!:p:p:p
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