On Separation...

Last Leaf By O'Henry

He is growing old.He looks weaker.His sober persona, philosophical thoughts, and coughs made him more like an old man.

I had a strange time with him today.I felt so many things within the hours.It's like I have lived infinite time with him.I felt myself like a kid when I entered into the class.I had thought that I would talk to him and I would tell him that How sorry I am.I was reassuring myself that I would definitely do this.But I couldn't do it.Not because I felt hesitation but because I had some other feelings today which I never had before.If I had entered the classroom as a kid, I left it as someone who has grown old like a fine vintage.I was mature today.

My mind took many turns to confuse me and at the end, I was enlighted.I had kind of epiphany.

Yes.I have lived ages with him through the silence.I was a stubborn little girl when I waited for him.I waited and made my mind that I would do stupid things to tell him that I am sorry.But as he entered, I was no longer a kid, who is enough bold to tell him openly that how bad I am feeling for us.

I was changed.Something in me changed.I was more like a girl.

An anxious girl.

Yes, reader. A girl with vague emotions.A girl with a confused heart and a girl who, desperately, wants him to notice her.

"Talk to me through silence for I am talking to you through it.Let's leave this place and take me with you where we could walk so that we can bury differences with every pace.Let's resolve everything.Can you hear me?"

No.There was no answer.I was forsaken.My words were unheard and I was no one.The girl became more agitated and nervier.

"No.Hear me!  Wouldn't you care to listen what I have to say? I hate you.Yes.You are noticing me.Talk to me!"

However, the girl felt too bad for her behavior.Now, her angst made her a grotesque romantic.She doesn't cry.She represses.She was repressing her tears but at the same time, she wanted him to see them.Her sobs were making it hard for her to breathe.Her silence was filled with sobs and the words she was communicating to him were more impulsive.

"I don't want to go.I want to stay.Please, don't let me go.I don't want to be someone who walks away so easily.I am here to make a difference that I can make.Place your hand on my cheeks and feel the warmth of those unshed tears that I long to shed.Forget marriages, friendships, husbands, wives, attachments, let's just be me and you.Just.You.Me.Us.You, who cared once and I, who will care always.No.Please.Just...stay...Stay...!"

Unheard.Unnoticed.Unread.

He left.My heart started pounding and he was gone.Although, unanswered, but I was tired of the conversation we had.I put down my head on the desk to rest.There was peace.I was exhausted.I closed my eyes and started thinking about him.This led me to an epiphany.

This was not the love.It was beyond love.My feelings were transcendental than materialistic love.I found myself warm and tender in his presence and yet uncomfortable.It was such a relief that he was there and I could see him.No.I didn't want him to talk to me.Notice me.No.I wanted him to be there.Just there.This was beautiful.This was spiritual.Yes, dear reader (If any), it was fascinating.

It is not a separation.This parting is reverential.I am at peace.It is something enigmatic, that I felt for him.I could spend the rest of my life keeping him safe and remain silently devoted to him.

Now, I firmly believe that he has forgiven me.I am punished.I am forgiven and forgotten.The most beautiful thing is I have captured those moments which we had together and I can find peace remembering them.Perhaps, that was the moment I received vibes from him.

Did he think of me? I am not sure but I feel as if the chilled icicle between us has been melted and this sole thought has made me more devoted.Happy or sad, but I will be always there.I will keep you safe in every possible way.I will keep us safe.We will be safe.

Let me not separate you from me.You have a part of me and I have yours.Let's protect it without letting each other know about it.

I was grown up at the end.

Feel me in the way, I feel you...

Feel.