Manchalay Ka Soda...

Never dare to be strong.Never dare to be invincible.Never dare to make your life complicated when it can be peaceful.Don't get yourself tangled in the deep and dark paths of mysticism.The major drawback of mysticism is that it can either leave you stray or it can help you in achieving the right path.

I have yet to decide what it has done to me.

The child in me craves for him.The grown-up in me is taking pleasure of the pain.When the child in me groans and demands him, the grown up in me comforts me with its mystic discourse.

Depressed people stay alone.Coping with depression is a hard struggle which can sap you of your brain.High.Low.High.Low.You feel as if your life has become a farce.You try being open but something in you wants you to stay silent and that "something" is a mature thing.

I am loving it.I feel pain.I feel so many things and it is pleasant.I feel melancholic because I cannot have him.I feel happy because I am beginning to understand those Kalams which tell you about what is attachment in the actual sense.

Am I doing it deliberately? Do I want to inflict this pain on myself? Am I being more curious that how this world looks like?

Curiosity kills the cat.

I am feeling like that character of momina in Manchalay ka Soda who developed a deep attachment with his Sir.I might find an Adil who will fulfill my silly romantic dreams but I have found someone who will always comfort my spiritual quest.

He can be harsh.He can be cold.He can be anything to me because I have given him rights over me.In the spiritual journey, you stay devoted until you meet your destination.You take risks.You can either have your destination or you can never have it.It is you who should be devoted.They call it:

Jiddo nazar Anayat kiti ae, Assa ishaq namaz neeyti ay..

I'll stay devoted till I find his "nazar"...

I am growing up with all this.I am becoming sane and insane simultaneously.

I am at peace.A spark within me is at comfort.

Peace.