O Me! O Life!

Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects, mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,

Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds, I see around me,

Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Sometimes, I feel so ignored that I want to shout out and ask them if I am needed or not? But I know the answer and I am comfortable with the reality that I am not needed.I am always ignored.

I feel so little sometimes.I feel awkward or perhaps I feel too much? Nah.I don't want to feel.I have wasted enough years feeling about things that didn't worth it.In spite of all this, I do feel sometimes.Nowadays, I am feeling regret.I am feeling guilty.Someone has made me feel that way and I am so terribly ashamed of myself.I have chased him and tried to tell him that I am sorry but then would he listen? No. Perhaps, I have hit the sensitive point.

Eid is always strange.Wait! did I say Eid Mubarak to all out there who are reading this? Perhaps no one is reading or perhaps I want to wish no one.No.I did message him.Him? Who? uh, the man  I am referring above.He didn't reply.Is he hurt that much? Have I proven myself that disgusting?

I am sorry all again.

Life is getting weirder by days.Thoughts are being heavy by every passing moment.I have to achieve some things and duh! I miss him.

He should drop me a text.Shouldn't he? I am enough punished.Love? No. I don't love him but I like his company.Perhaps, he will be thinking of me at this very minute or perhaps he is gone and gone forever?

Khair, Its Eid here in Pakistan.I had my dress which I didn't like because I want to wear those fairy tales' gowns.They suit me much better than this.And yes, I will look much cooler wearing a Barbie gown.

What are you thinking? Isn't it a confused post? But then that is life- Confused, in chunks, shattered and chaotic.

With Love,

Zainab.