Posts from the Past...
I cannot stop laughing.No.Actually, I am feeling mixed emotions.Someone reminded me of my past posts and dayum! I read my all the posts from the past.Allah!
I want to share some chunks of my writings. :P
Have you never seen?
how my cheeks glow?
when you hold my hands
and never let them go (2012)
This was the first post on this blog.Did I ACTUALLY WRITE THESE LINES?!! I disown these lines.I used to write romantic poetry and I won't embarrass myself by telling you that I posted Edward-Bella picture on this post.EWWWWW!!! *My Eyes Bleed*
2012 was the time when I had to prove myself to one of my convent-se-prhi friend that I ALSO KNOW ENGLISH! LOLLL. I am cute though :P
In 2013,when I didn't have anything decent to write I LITERALLY POSTED PICTURES OF MY HOUSE! WHAAATTTT!!!
HERE CLICK HERE! (I deny being the writer of this blog.)
"So, here i am...alive and living a pathetic life.A life in which i feel guilty every day...I feel myself a sin and then turn towards to correct all and i lose...Time defeats me.My thoughts tease me and i cry in agony.I am living such awkward days that i am inclined towards an escape.I am yearning to feel happiness and seeking it makes me more miserable.I feel pain by seeing happy faces around me and then it kills me at night when i play with my pillow and remind those events and then i cry out like a baby..."
A pain that stabs me and wanders in my whole body and take pleasure by fusing in my veins,blood and nerves.It creates pangs and cut me into pieces.No matter,how much people are going to be around me,i know i am going to be alone like that tramp. (2013...Hush....)
My poor,twisted,injured,confused nerves!..I can’t write well.I can’t think well. I’ve lost my focus on things. I‘ve lost my concentration.I can’t stand out on one decision.I give abnormal reactions to normal things.I watch nightmares,every night.I feel fear. I’ve thrown my fantasies far away.It wrathed their emotions and now,they haunt me.A strange solemnity dwells in my eyes.I tried to throw it away and buried it somewhere.I tried to smile but,then, everything in me demands extreme.It seems,I’m dead.A dead creature. (2013 Sorry...)
I want to share some chunks of my writings. :P
Have you never seen?
how my cheeks glow?
when you hold my hands
and never let them go (2012)
This was the first post on this blog.Did I ACTUALLY WRITE THESE LINES?!! I disown these lines.I used to write romantic poetry and I won't embarrass myself by telling you that I posted Edward-Bella picture on this post.EWWWWW!!! *My Eyes Bleed*
2012 was the time when I had to prove myself to one of my convent-se-prhi friend that I ALSO KNOW ENGLISH! LOLLL. I am cute though :P
In 2013,when I didn't have anything decent to write I LITERALLY POSTED PICTURES OF MY HOUSE! WHAAATTTT!!!
HERE CLICK HERE! (I deny being the writer of this blog.)
"So, here i am...alive and living a pathetic life.A life in which i feel guilty every day...I feel myself a sin and then turn towards to correct all and i lose...Time defeats me.My thoughts tease me and i cry in agony.I am living such awkward days that i am inclined towards an escape.I am yearning to feel happiness and seeking it makes me more miserable.I feel pain by seeing happy faces around me and then it kills me at night when i play with my pillow and remind those events and then i cry out like a baby..."
(2013...I wish I could embrace myself at that moment...)
I always found my self little more warm than other,there is something wrong with my temperature.I remember those days,when my family was worried about my health.They were thinking as if i have had a fatal disease.Then all tests were normal.(2013...I wish to go back and tell myself that "There's nothing wrong.Baby,you are just more hawt than other girls.Haha)
A pain that stabs me and wanders in my whole body and take pleasure by fusing in my veins,blood and nerves.It creates pangs and cut me into pieces.No matter,how much people are going to be around me,i know i am going to be alone like that tramp. (2013...Hush....)
My poor,twisted,injured,confused nerves!..I can’t write well.I can’t think well. I’ve lost my focus on things. I‘ve lost my concentration.I can’t stand out on one decision.I give abnormal reactions to normal things.I watch nightmares,every night.I feel fear. I’ve thrown my fantasies far away.It wrathed their emotions and now,they haunt me.A strange solemnity dwells in my eyes.I tried to throw it away and buried it somewhere.I tried to smile but,then, everything in me demands extreme.It seems,I’m dead.A dead creature. (2013 Sorry...)
At first,you really don't realize what it is.You think it to be a normal thing.But a day comes,when you fear people and then love them again.You hate things but you love them again.A morning,you face fighting between your brain and heart that you're going to live another day.It fears you.A horror,that resides in you,makes you to afraid of those faces who remind you of some horrible moments.And,this is when the depression gets fully rooted in you.
My writing may not give you any sense.They may not tempt you.My words may not be as good as you can write.But,believe me,this is how i feel everyday.And,this is how i live everyday. (2013..When I try explain things... :')
The Owl makes No Noise... For the first time when I tried writing a sensible poetry. <3 (2013)
I am not going to live like this.I can't bear the burden of thoughts.Can please somebody tell me how to be part with brain and heart?...I have thrown away my fears with every tablet. I've tried to remove everything with every session.Still,i am on medications and who knows when it is going to meet with an end... (2013... worst time when I was on medication.)
A love that lost innocence.A care that fades with every damage.A soul that is gone and vanished into the world of ghosts.Bewildered, confused in my thoughts, I am still sorry….
A touch that lost purity.A feeling that is now nowhere to be found.A soul that is agonized, drifted away into the world of melancholy and despair.Holding your torment, confession, You are still a sinner….. (2013... when I tease my depression. *sobs*)
I am beautiful.I felt it when i saw myself in mirror crying.When my tears rolled down and the redness of eyes nourished the intensity.I am beautiful.I am beautiful when i saw the nerve swollen out from the neck and strangling my throat.My tears made my face more beautiful than those of laughter.(2013...Yes.I am beautiful <3 )
No!this is not really very good.....I had left it somewhere in the misty memories and it is haunting me up till now.Now, when i am trying to recover.My heart is sinking with dismal and i'm floating on the waves of anxieties.(2014...Still depressed?)
Sitting idle like a dumb and wandering like a kid absorbing different passions within a single soul,i think,sometimes,who i am?..A shadow?a lover?a beloved?a curse....question mark...And i am still feeling a pang of jealousy and vanity.I burn in eternal damnation.I,who has no identity,still rely on a body that weakens with every hit of trouble.I'll leave this body,too,oneday.Then...who am i?....
No one... (2014...You are Someone! :)
Perhaps,it's all my fault that i couldn't make place in anybody's heart permanently.I always stayed in the list of those who are destined to be forgotten.I passed the time with heavy heart there.Finally,i am at home.They're all getting weird to me.I am feeling like a kid who is yearning for a little tenderness and when i get that i reject it.However,i am fine.I am getting used to of this.nvm (2014 and still the same)
But i am left with those memories.Yes.I've realized this.I hold your memories in which you're the same beautiful and most pretty among all.In which you're the richest in beauty.Neither hate nor avoidance can stop me to thinking of you because you delight my senses.Though,you're not the same one now.Changed like everything.But i've your memories in which you're not changed.In which you're all the same.In which you tell me about consistency and in which we're friends forever...I hold that memories of beauty and i'll hold it forever. (2014..when you part with your best friend and write a last post for her... I still miss you Momina..)
The moment they parted with her they had stopped feeling for her.This epiphany seemed to her the most unnatural phenomenon.Tears rolled down on her cheeks and she cried in most natural and childish manner.(2014..I still feel the same about departed ones.I do and will be doing the same.InshAllah.)
Your trauma is temporary,mine is eternal.Go and save yourself.Cry a little.Dream of me a little.Mourn for a while.Shed some tears.But forget me soon.Never hate me like the rest of the world.Remember me, sometimes.Sympathize me for I've sacrificed you for good.It is a sacred loss, mourn a little.(2014...when I made a play)
In 2015 and 2016,I wrote for the sake of writing.
2017:
I have so much to explain to you but I would end up maintaining silence.A silence which will make you feel that I don't care.How I wish to tell you that I care.I adore and I will hold the charm of us. (hain? Sachi? lol)
I can never touch you.I can never put my head on your chest and tell you things that I long to tell you.The hard truth is we are doomed to be chaste. To never touch each other, hear each other, see each other... so what harm can there be to write about you? I can write things which I can never tell you.I can imagine moments that I wish to have with you.I can do everything with you and yet without you. Are you receiving the vibes? Tell me a thing.Would you let me go that easily? There are so many questions I want to ask but then I fear that your answers would be those which are not desired.So, I won't ask anything but go easy on my heart. (LOLLLLL+awwww+ewww+yuck+gross+romantic+uff)
Angrezi behtr hui hai,kisi ko le k kuch mehsoos kiya hai baki khyalaat wohi purany hain.The main idea of this blog is to make you understand that I have seen and suffered things and yet, I have survived.I can survive because I am invincible.I am a strong girl and I can overcome every difficulty with a little depression.(alright,not little but with GREAT kind of depression thing.) Best part is that you'll never know how I felt.
And I have not completed my assignments.Good.
And I have not completed my assignments.Good.
life is kind of like that ..
ReplyDeleteYes, it goes on.
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