An Apology...

"Am I sick?"

"No, you are not."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Sick people hurt themselves and you don't, do you?"

"No..."

This session was a turning point.I had acquainted myself with the idea that those who don't hurt themselves are called normal people.This obsession started getting on my nerves and I thought to myself that I will never let anyone hurt me, nor shall I hurt myself.And then I made myself a vanity fair.I turned myself cold towards everything.I became apathetic, calm with the calmness of a woman who knows she can suffer no further.

You've got the best of both worlds

You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,

And lift him back up again

You are strong but you're needy,

Humble but you're greedy

Based on your body language,

Your shouted cursive I've been reading

You're style is quite selective,

Though your mind is rather reckless...

Despite being an obdurate girl, I felt abandoned. I was forsaken and desolated and yet I survived.God knows I am tough.He is my witness that never did anyone dare to hurt me.I survived the difficult time and turned myself into a bizarre and chaotic personality.I have never been good in friend making because I feel uncomfortable when I let someone enter into my cave where I have hidden.I feel bittersweet torture when someone tries to come closer and peep into my world.This is the reason that all my "best friends" now merely contact numbers.I let everyone go....

And then it was You...

You're mysterious in the way that makes me want to open you up like a book and read your pages from start to finish but I can't because you are so high up on the shelf that I cannot reach you.You sit up on the shelf collecting dust trying to protect yourself from the people who will rip out your pages or bend your cover. How I wish I could climb up the shelf and take you down and have you tell me your story. Maybe one day I'll finally be able to climb and reach out to you, but for now, you're just the book I have yet to read and you're on my list.

Too proud to die; broken and blind he died 

The darkest way, and did not turn away, 

A cold kind man brave in his narrow pride

I am sorry for being gullible.I am sorry for being harsh and yes, you are hurt. I know you won't confess, but you are hurt.I won't explain things because it's for the first time I have realized the truth that the struggle of not hurting myself can cost hurting other people and this is not what normal people do.Am I sick? You will surely say yes, but then, are not we all together in it? 

Turn yourself cold towards me, but think of me often.I have made a mistake for which I am sorry and to express this regret, my words are failing me.So, I won't hold you and chase you.I will let you go and this time I will let you go for good.

I will not do it again to someone who is tender towards me.I will open up my cave to someone wants to enter.I will let him enter into my world and let him explore what i hold for him.I will never hurt any person at the cost of saving myself from the frustration.Perhaps, this would be the best way to say sorry to you,hai na? 

"Now we part our ways for ever." 

We have parted our ways, but i don't want you to remember me as someone who insulted you.I want you to remember me as someone who wasted your 24hours by talking to you on trivial matters.I cannot romanticize this Gothic attachment but i have learnt something from this. Isn't it a big thing?

Perhaps, you will stay cold and perhaps you will never read this but you are someone who needs to be taken care of and I could not do this.I am sorry for that.

Peace.