To The Jude...

Carrying a baby is not an easy job.You fight with your body to adjust with the new one.Not only with body but it might be your mind that would sting you with many thoughts.You fight and this untiring struggle leads you towards motherhood.So, the first rule to be a mother is to fight against all the odds to protect another human who is the product of your own flesh and blood.

This fight is your own.No one accompanies you in this struggle.You are alone.You feel like foresaken.Like an abondened bride.Always alone.

You, my dear husband, also cannot get yourself acquainted with the torment inside me.This stress of mine seems to be an everlasting, solemn and profound companion.I cannot hate you for many reasons but at the same time, i feel it difficult to soothe you with kind words.I am your wife and you have made me realized that I do not stand anywhere in your world. This certain truth is hard to believe but then its world and the fairy tales are false.Eventually, everything turns into an ugly reality and I bear a restless soul.

I cannot explain the anguish that I am bearing but one thing is clear that I am not much needed and this reality has made me less innocent and more wise.

Lets turn it into something like Hardy's book where devastated characters are destined to be alone.

I wish you a very happy birthday. I wish you every happiness and I assure you that no other word you will hear from me and never will you find me complaining about things because I have learnt a lesson that I ought to stay silent.Silence will cease all the anguish and other mixed emotions.

Lets be quiet.

Be Jude.