A Farewell...

And then I made my life a farce. A clownish curve of smile ruled over my face. Fighting with strange notions,a moment came when I left reflecting upon things. Playing with absurd words then refining them into intellectual rubbish and at last cry over them helplessly;this was what I only had.Meeting with friends and noticing my abnormality among them,this is what that stabbed me.Watching nightmares,running from unknown demons, this is what that harassed me.I am in between normal,abnormal and paranormal state.The laughter that echoes around me, scratches my bruise and makes it wound again.The eyes  see only those visions which are lost in time.The ears hear only those lies,once made together by you and me.I,who is fading in distances and You,who scare me.I never found myself capable of creating so humor among different people.But seldom I cry and more I laugh.

I did the murder of your emotions.But believe me it was a self-defense murder.I proved to be a coward.I found myself bleeding when I pierced your heart.Trust me,it was my heart that was broken into two.It was me who suffered to death.My life is on two-ways roads and you know well I am tangled into my fears.This girl always take help by an escape but this time I am stuck to my own conflicts.The dreamland that is witnessed of our love,those moments when we swung around the horizons of love,they haunt me.They cut my brain nerves and make me more frustrated.I am suffering from the punishment.Take heart,I am being told by Him.But I crave for those moments sometimes.

I should confess here that I am a girl who runs from reality and makes her own imaginary world where only I exist.I avoid the truth and it soothes my remorse.I mend my broken dreams and nourish them again but they break.I again mend.They again break.At the end,breaking wins and tears roll down on my wretched cheeks.I cry with regret and shame.The cries exhaust my throat and I fall asleep.Then I feel horror in my once romantic dreamland. I’ve lost my mental normal state.A nerve that works logically in brain is long dead and become venomous. I,when rejected by all and even by my own thoughts, take shelter in another world.

But then my thoughts tease me and remind me of those days when I was not deflowered.When extreme of passion was nowhere.When I was pure,little,smiling girl.But then I lost. And,then I lost things.I lost them like hour glass looses sand.I lost them like days looses sunshine and I lost them like an autumn tree looses leaves. I’ve lost my time and I’m kicked away from that boat.I was a girl who used to cry over petty things.But when I was in badly need to cry,someone snatched my all tears and left my eyes solemn and grave.The anxiety stung my brain nerves and emotions and sapped my veins.I,then,started dying by every day.But,once,I lived my innocent life.

Now,when words fail me to write aptly and my intelligence is lost by me.When I see darkness every where,I’ve taken a decision to stop writing my life here.I want lonesome.A quite and silent lonesome not the dark and ghostly loneliness. I am going to take leave from here for two or may be three months.I am going to bestow you with relief,zarnab!..I did injustice to  to burden you with my depressive words and engraving a deep scar within your soul.I am sorry for that.But wait for me.Wait and I’ll come again.Wait and see, if this time my returning felicitate you or not.Wait for me,my precious,paranoid,depressed soul.Wait for me!

Because, now I feel nothing but nothingness…

 P.S: I've used some Pictures/words/phrases/sentences from my older posts.I did it to sum up all my 190 posts in one.So that when i'll return i might start a new chapter of my life.

Allah hafiz,Sayonara,Ciao,Good-bye,adieu,my dear readers!