Repression...
Perhaps,love is the most idiotic thing in the world;creating a beautiful mess and then crying over it.It feels pain but still possess affection and neglecting faults and believing false,intentionally.Let me tell you a story...
Once,i tried to hide it from all others.I was afraid of questioning,their answers,depression,frustration and stress.I was best in keeping it a secret.And soon,i found all doors blocked.I was happy that all is gone and no one knows what has happened.I hide my frightful face.But i forgot that a regret is nourishing somewhere inside me.I forgot it as well that the lock i used was rusted and key had forgotten long ago.The thing which i achieved was victory but with the time i realized defeat was concealed in this victory.I lose!
Just like that wife in Macbeth,who committed suicide because of mixed fear of regret and king's ghost's haunting,i may die some day owing to this remorse.
I never worth that..
I am desperate to open all doors to see where i went wrong and where i strayed,but the lock is rusted and keys are lost.
And,i badly need to confess things...
Make God your confessor. You have nothing to lose that way, and so much to gain. Or lean on a friend. Ye logon ki good books mein rehna kyun zaroori hai? Why lie to them? So that they may love you or accept you? To ye pyaar to jhoota hua jo hum kisi ko dhoka de ke lein.
ReplyDeleteYou need to trust yaar. Trust ke kuch log hain duniya mein who will love you for who you are, including your mistakes and sins, and these things will not matter to them. It will not. Because they have sinned worst. Gunaahon ke eitbaar se mujhe lagta hai ke main ek murderer hn aur tum maximum ek chor hogi. Maximum wo bhi. Warna to wo bhi nahi ho. Aur tum ek chor murderers ki duniya mein ho, aur kya chaahti ho? Hum kyunkar aur kaise tumhe judge karein ge yaar? Despite of your sins (I don't want to brag here lekin phir bhi), I can tell. There is that softness in your face. You don't know. You can't see your face all the time now, can you? I do. Even today movie kam aur tumhaara chehra screen mein zyaada dekh rahi thi main. You don't know what's there on your face. Your sins haven't taken away that. Try to believe me. Mujhe kya para hua hai to lie to u just to make u feel good about urself. I swear I'm being honest. You underrate yourself too much.
And you have a friend who can watch your heart break. You have a God who loves you more than anything despite whatever you do. You are NOT alone! Give yourself to these two beings. Be brave and hand out yourself to us. I promise we won't let you down. Try, love. Confess. Let go off this burden and be free. Try, okay. I'll always be waiting to prove you wrong that despite of whatever you've confessed, I'll still be there. And that's a promise.