Sometimes,I crave for admiration...

I am feeling as if someone is taking me away from the time,space and present.I am stuck,when time is passing with haste.I am withering,when everything is infused with sparkling gaiety.And now,I've quit the tries and struggles because the destination has been faded and once i ignored it's parting.I got told.I've killed my innocence and left with depression.A coward in me is depressed and rebel is anxious to take a step.I am in the world where i see no one but a shadow that hardly breathe.I am a creature who has been rotten and now waiting for the end.

Moving and swinging with people,sharing laughter and sometimes,a little depression with them is only i am left with.It numbs my brain a little,but then,again facing reality is like hell.After a feelingless or crazy state,the reality stings the more and cuts you more sharply.Scattering the nerves then holding them tightly and again loosing and again tightening,gaah!..Is this is my life?Am i going to stay forever like this?Oh!no!please!...

A pain that stabs me and wanders in my whole body and take pleasure by fusing in my veins,blood and nerves.It creates pangs and cut me into pieces.No matter,how much people are going to be around me,i know i am going to be alone like that tramp. 

A moment comes when i feel myself unworthy and a waste.It saddens me and i try to flutter my wings that are broken long ago.Still,i try but it goes to failure.But in this try i make another world of mine where only i exist.Where all the charms and grace and beauty and success are mine.It swells my heart with happiness and excitement that i begin to do such abnormal things which are abhorred by others but loved by me.“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.” 

But you know coming out of dreams and adjusting again in reality,i feel a severe conflict,pain,stress and frustration.I get stuck to my YESs and NOs.I feel myself broken and scattered in this bigger world. I feel the aching of heart and weakening of brain.And,i realize,what i just now enjoyed was a fantasy and reality has proved me a failure.