FA FA AND MY SELF

In my childhood,i used to be a dumb student in my class.I remember,when my teacher used to punish me just because i did not prepare "MY SELF".It was an essay,but an unconquerable mountain for me.
I used to cram "MY SELF",(Just read the sentence again and you'll find it absurd)but all in vain.I remember the day when my hitler teacher said to me to stand up and revise "MY SELF" aloud.I was nervous,because i knew nothing about "MY SELF".Well,then,i started "MY SELF"like this:-
  my name is zarnab.....
 err...i...am.......a...girl...
my......PAUSE....A LONG PAUSE.....SILENCE!
and for all this i got a horrible slap as a reward.I kept quite.While sitting there was a smile on my face,a smile which was full of shame and guilt.

Time passed and i found myself in 4th class.Here i, again met my soulmate "MY SELF".I can't remember whether i got slap or applause.But now i long to meet my teacher and want to tell her that:_
 look!i've prepared "MY SELF"
      MY NAME IS COLOURLESS RAINBOW.
      WHO IS...
      ONE IN ALL..SHADOW IN SUNSHINE
       PALE IN COLOURS...SICK IN FINE
       DARK IN LIGHT................................
By experiences,i found it as "MY SELF".And i am sure i'll again get a slap.Because my teacher will assume that i am no more normal.
   WHY TEACHERS ALWAYS PREFER THE CRAMMED STUFF INSTEAD OF CREATIVE STUFF?
When there was the silence in " MY SELF" ,i was collecting words,but haunting eyes of  teacher and strange class fellows blocked my words.So,i was slapped.
 I DON'T WANT TO MEMORISE MY CHILDHOOD,IT'S JUST HORRIBLE.
DEBRA invented the world LA LA world,and i think i live in this world.I started living in this world
when i was about 15years.It's not like i lived under fantasies because it always deceives.In LA LA world i've some friends.(one is died:( and one is here) But LA LA world does not fulfill my requirements so lets make another world:-"FA FA WORLD" .
And now this world is for those who want escape and i am escapist.

 The horrible routine of college has made me far away from this FA FA world.And in college i've my own world.You'll find everything here.PLOTTING AGAINST OTHERS,HYPOCRICY,LOVE,HATE,PURE PEOPLE,HONESTY,DISHONESTY,FAKENESS....
And in all that i found myself as KEATS who was a silent bearer.My friend composed a poem and it's apt to quote it here:
                              LET ME FLY
                              ACROSS THE SKY,SOMEWHERE
                              ALONE.....
                              FREE FROM BINDING ROPES
                              FREE FROM DECEPTIVE LOVES
                               READY TO SOAR ABOVE
                               THE CLOUDS OF FOOLISH DECADENCE...
I've two ways to go:
1.IN MY FA FA WORLD
2.IN THIS"HAPPY"WORLD.
I'll go for the first option,but before going,i am searchimg my teacher in this crowded world.Because i want her to listen "MY SELF":-
*My name is zarnab.
*I live in a FA FA world.
*i am 18 years old.
*This world is calm and peaceful.
*I see hypocricy in this happy world and let my clothes not to be stained by it.
*I bear the hate of others for nothing.
*People call me selfish but i love them.
*I've my gems but they have others.
*I've a fear to be left alone by her.
 *I like my self very much.
well,it does not like that i like my self but every essay used to be end on this line so i,too,ended it like that.And this time i might not get a slap but the stinging sentences:-
"She has done better than you."
"WHO?"
and the answer would be my colleagues relative who is artificial intelligent.
And again the  faint,mournful smile would appear and all hopes would be lost in darkness.

FA FA,then waits for me with all its shine.....