A Sad Happily Everafter...

 She couldn't understand anything. She was calling for help desperately. The ship she had boarded just for leisure suddenly began to tilt and slowly started to drift towards the stormy waters.There was no one to hear her voice. Now, she felt like she had to face the turmoil of the storm. Mentally and physically, she wasn't prepared for any of this. The ship was heading towards those wild waves, while she sat trembling with fear in a corner, closing her eyes.

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And her eyes opened. She wasn't particularly troubled by this dream; rather, she had become accustomed to all of this. Every day, she would look at that anchorage. The ship breaking loose from its anchor, the ocean storm, trembling with fear, and then leaving herself to fate. It was never like she didn't know what it's like to face a storm. Anyway, her day had begun.Now she had many tasks to complete. Washing the dishes, making breakfast for her husband, and other household chores. But amidst all this, many thoughts would start swirling in her mind. While washing the dishes, she often found herself pondering over the scenes of her life before marriage. She would think about the intensity of emotions between her and Rehan before marriage. Searching through old memories, she would sometimes smile and sometimes her eyes would moisten. She would think about how strange love is, how it engulfs a person in its own magical way. And then, even if life takes a turn and that magic breaks, just remembering and reliving those moments still brings joy. Even today, the memory of her first meeting with Rehan in college, ten years ago, would force a smile onto her face.In the bright sunlight, this story wasn't a thriller or adventurous, but it held a profound joy. As she stepped off the college bus in the morning, she would catch Rehan's eyes, exchanging glances in the classroom, finding excuses to meet under the pretext of assignments, and finally falling in love while playing the role of Mr. Darcy in the college theatre.These memories were such beautiful sensations for her.

After confession, the excitement of seeing each other, the quickened heartbeat upon seeing, promises to spend a lifetime together, long calls at night, and then sending a marriage proposal. How beautiful is the journey of love. Passing through all these stages, love takes the form of marriage. After that, life seems beautiful for a while. When the companionship one has prayed for becomes a reality, love finds its fulfillment. But after this stage of fulfillment in the life of Iman, the subsequent stages were becoming quite challenging. She had heard happily ever after in stories, but her happily ever after wasn't as enchanting as the journey she had undertaken to reach here. During college, if their hands accidentally touched while grabbing a paper, they would feel that touch throughout the day. But after marriage, despite spending the entire night on the same bed, the next day would pass just like any other. Without letting these thoughts dominate her, she had set the table for breakfast. Seeing Rehan having breakfast peacefully, she asked him,

'What time will you be back today?' '

Around 7 pm,' he replied.

 'Even today?' she twinkled.

 'Why? Is there something special today?'

 ‘No, nothing,' she said in a soft tone.

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Rehan had already gone to work, and she was sitting there, entangled in her thoughts. Today was their wedding anniversary, and Rehan didn't remember at all. Ten years had passed since their wedding, but Rehan had changed a lot into just two years of the marriage. He would leave for the office early in the morning, return late in the evening, and express exhaustion before going straight to sleep. Yes, they had gone to a hill station in the third year of their marriage, but since it was an official tour, they couldn't spend time with each other. In a crowd of people, Iman's heart would ache for intimacy, so she would spend time alone in the room, while Rehan had to stay with his colleagues because it was an office tour for him. Until a few years ago, Iman used to complain to Rehan about not giving her time, but now even this complaint had disappeared. She had become tired of this relationship. She was just getting by.

Iman didn't have any complaints against Rehan because he was playing the role of a conventional husband who toils for the sake of earning a livelihood. And Iman's role was that of a traditional wife who nurtures the household while staying at home. But she wasn't made for this role. She was of a different temperament. Her desire was for her love to be nurtured with attention and affection. She wished to be comforted in a romantic manner every day, to hear beautiful words of love, or to be made to feel special by receiving a flower. Instead, whenever she tried to share her feelings with Rehan or express her desires, he would dismiss her by burying himself in work, pretending to be engrossed in preparing files on his laptop.

During all these years of marriage, two children were lost due to miscarriages. She had tried many times to express to Rehan that each time a child was lost, it deeply affected her emotionally. Sometimes, even with Rehan around, she felt as if a child was sleeping in the bed or perhaps a child was crying in the distance. But Rehan always brushed off this matter with laughter. Or when she mentioned it to her mother, she would advise her to recite some holy verses, saying it might help. However, these distant voices were gradually getting closer, and sometimes it felt like the child's presence was becoming a daily occurrence. But where Rehan remained unaffected by all these things and life continued for him as usual, it was becoming mentally stressful for her.

The evening was setting in. She had finished all her tasks, and her mind had also wrapped  all thoughts. She had decided she couldn't spend her life with someone who was becoming a stranger with each passing day. She had made the decision to end this relationship. She had grown tired of fighting every day, so she thought today it should end in a beautiful way. According to her plan, she would celebrate their wedding anniversary in her bridal dress and then finally demand a divorce. Rehan was due to arrive in just 2 hours, so she went to the storeroom where she had kept her bridal dress in a chest. When she took out her red and blue sparkling lehenga from the chest, she spread it on her lap. As she unfolded the lehenga, all the memories and smiles associated with the wedding day flooded her mind. When she wore the dress and saw herself in the mirror, every bead and lace testified to how beautiful and vibrant she was.

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“Such a beautiful bride shouldn't have to go through this," she thought as she twirled in her bridal dress in front of the mirror. Suddenly, she stopped and leaned towards the mirror, examining her face closely. The thick line of kohl in her large eyes, the bold lipstick color, and the wavy hair, all combined to create a stunning image; she still looked like the bride from her wedding day. "Twelve years have passed, and I still haven't been able to move on from that wedding ceremony. I am still a bride. I couldn't become a mother..." Then suddenly, she, like a trapped butterfly, frantically removed her bangles, bracelets, and necklace with her own hands and threw them far away. Tears washed away all the kohl from her eyes. She forcefully wiped off the lipstick from her face, spreading it messily to her cheeks.

Suddenly, she heard the sound of a child crying from the storeroom. With the arrival of that sound, Iman's ears started ringing with fear. In her mind, it felt like the ship was loosing its anchor and she was being stranded in one corner amidst wild ocean waves. It felt like her mind was drifting away from her own balance and the crying voice which was eagerly waiting for her was similar to ferocious waves. But she couldn't decide whether to open the door and pick up the child or to retreat to a corner to escape from these voices. With trembling hands, she was trying to suppress her sobs, fearing that her crying might make the child cry even more. The continuous crying of the child was weakening Iman. She wanted to open the door to see if the child needed a feeder. Anything could have happened, but the question was, where did the child come from? Iman did know. She was engulfed in fear. She knew this storm inside could get even more terrifying. To avoid all this, she closed both her ears with her hands, turned towards the wall, and stood there. And when the crying sound reached its peak, she reluctantly opened the door of the storeroom. There was nothing there. No child. No one was crying.

She wasn't surprised either. She knew that the crying sounds were not coming from the room but from her heart and mind. She sat on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest, burying her face in her arms, and started crying.

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In the evening, when Rehan returned home from the office, Iman had made tea for him as usual. She was dressed simply and was playing the role of a typical wife. Without observing her silence, vacant gaze, and contented expression, Rehan informed her that he would be going out for dinner with his friends tonight and might be late returning. "I have something to tell you," Iman mustered up the courage. Upon this, Rehan got up from his place, went over to Iman, and held both of her hands in his. "My dear, everything will be alright. The doctors have said that you'll conceive in a year or two. Stay strong. Everything will be fine."

 

He was just repeating all the things which he thought might soothe her. He was being conventional and his tone was bizarre but he kept on telling her that everything will be fine as if he knew that in reality, it would never be.. His phone started ringing. Perhaps his friends had come to pick him up earlier than expected. Or maybe he knew they were coming, which is why he hurriedly explained everything to Iman, which now will take her ages to fully grasp.

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