Immodest Wife...

In many absurdities of life one that deserves to be mentioned is that i have messed up my life by my ownself. At every point where life demanded to be positive i turned to shortcuts and that littered things around. The commonality between the post of 18 and 25 is melancholy. I feel sad for all the things in past and present. I feel "could haves" and "would haves". 

I feel sad. 

I am not understood by my life partner, so life seems difficult. I cannot shift my attitude to his"big" paradigms of thoughts and he cannot sense my "little" dimension of thoughts. We are different. Sometimes, I feel my existence doesn't make any difference to him. He is irritatingly weird and I am the one who has risked her future happiness at the cost of his mad view of world. 

I feel irritation. 

Lack of understanding, absence of warmth, longing for listening to each other.... these are all things which are making our relationship bore and dull. I feel suffocated.he feels nothing. Because he has nothing to be worried about. I mean nothing to him. 

He can be anything but not a good husband or a good father. He is none of the both. And yes, these silent confessions are not either making me a good wife. But.. he takes pleasure by making ways hard for his wife and child. He desires us to be in troubles and in all those vulnerablities which a father prevent to fall upon his family. He is not a family man. He is a social man. He lives and thinks about society. His little care about us urges me to do something.

What can i do?

Silence.