Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings...

I must prepare myself for upcoming depressing episode.Last time when it happened,It effected me in every possible way.

I can't write my feelings and every description is failing my emotions.

At this age of 21,every girl in my society dreams of a perfect house,well-settled,handsome plus romantic husband.I must dream the same.I must nourish the same dreams but I won't.I am in a crippling state of mind where I can't get rid of some sick thoughts and they accompany me on every happy occasion,hence,converting it into a mere despair.

I fight almost daily with some troublesome thoughts and at the end,head aches.I know,I have not updated my blog for so long but believe me,what could I've written other than counting the nights I have spent in depression and worries? My blog did worth rest.Didn't it?

But sometimes,It is good to write and put out all the depression.The story is this that I don't feel that I may ever get the right man and the security and comfort which every of my age fellows are getting.I am insecure and scarred.I,now,want the same.A happy and normal life but I have reached so far that I can only imagine and envy those who have it. 

What I can have is only restlessness and anxiety for the rest of my life.

Fault is not others'.Its solely mine.But for how long must I bear all this? I am sick.I mean I can't endure it anymore.The punishment could have been in other way.But,unfortunately,I must learn to live this way.Alone.Depressed and again alone.

Some people are,perhaps,chosen to live eternally in conflicts.I am not happy at this age of mine and I am not dreaming about a husband.This is not because I don't want to but because I can't.

Prayers.

Title Quote:Mansfiled Park by Jane Austen.