Damn!I couldn't stop writing!

I had a sleepless night-again.I forced my eyes to be shut but they were too stubborn to close.I surrendered the efforts.Good night readers!for I do not slumber!

I carry a heavy and burdened soul mixed with impurities and filth.I carry a heart that bears the violence of emotions.So,bear with me.

What I am making my life?what it could have been?How much more I am left with this stress?I long for those days when I will abandon the struggle of being more wise,more solemn and sober.I am tired of searching the answers of those questions that pop up often in my head.Sometimes,I feel myself the frozen entity that is trying to break those wires matted around me and form a cage in which I am a slave forever and ever…

I want to soar up and make my another home in the horizons of relief and calm-a land where no such emotional stress resides,where I feel the relaxation from these anxieties. But then no such land exists and one cannot take such flight.

I resist to think those thoughts that has been buried inside the roots of my brain and I just don’t want to tease them-I know they’ll tease me back.And their teasing is far more bitter than mine.Let them take rest.Let me not ruin their sleep.

Sometimes,I feel too helpless to write exactly what I feel.I come across to so many contradictions between my feelings and the words I write here.So,what I write is not exactly what I feel.And then,I remain frustrated.

I should learn how to grow up replacing what I feel by what I should feel.I should feel I am the same suffering from the same trauma as others do.But then a moment comes when I deny that It’s normal to carry such stained soul.I am mentally and physically in torture.I am in eternal pain.I feel the emotional torment and perceive the same agony that resides around me.Here the difference lies.They fight with their own thoughts.I fight with every difficulty cowardly.I am a coward,I fear oneday,they will find me hanging myself and embracing death.I am tired both mentally and physically.Not only You spoil my brain nerve,Its not You who provoke those sleeping nerves of mine.It’s something else that I just discovered.That made me to realise that put the difference between me and others.I am a victim of eternal hunger and thirst-that is not going to be fulfilled in any way.

I am not letting any feeling or sensitivity to pass through my nerves.I am feeling a profound apathy rolling and twisting in my soul.Nothing.No…a new aspect of nothingness.I bet I am unconcerned about anything happening around me.what he is going to think?what she will assume?what it might have an effect on me?what?how?..I am feeling excited and …happy…bipolar?...damn!!

I am committed with life.I am bound to live it.What the hell?Why I can’t just stop forming such icicle of pain that will pierce back my chest leaving a terrible pain to nourish forever in my heart.So,I am inclined to leave my life on the mercy of chances.Let the luck play with my life and let me wait what is next for me.I am just a passenger who is not least interested in his destination. I am just traveling with my legs,my brain and heart are decaying gradually.

I feel myself a creature that is breathing its last.